and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
