i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
