It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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