Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
