After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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