im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
