i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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