if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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