I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
