Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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