And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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