I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
is wine microwaveable?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
