My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
