The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
