my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
