O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
