and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
