i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
