the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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