I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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