Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
