He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
