evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
