so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
