im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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