my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
