I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
