He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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