Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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