we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
