I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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