my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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