I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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