I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
