I wish I could teleport
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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