her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
