She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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