Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
