my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
