Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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