Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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