holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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