Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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