I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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