Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
