I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
