I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize