she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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