So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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