their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Reggie can tackle my bush.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
