btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
