you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
