remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i wish my penis had a tongue
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
