Betty ford says i'm here all night
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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