If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
