it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
