ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
