Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
