We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
