Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize