last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
