Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Congratulations! We have a period
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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