I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize