My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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