He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
