so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You're breaking my sexual little heart
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
