Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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