What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
