Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
