you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
