ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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