talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
