Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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