If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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