Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
