D3 body, D1 cock
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
