I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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