he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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