I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
