Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize