I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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