Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
