She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize