the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
