I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
