i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude i'm inner monologue high
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I need moral support for this bender
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
