i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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